I'll sum it up . I haven't talked to anyone besides my friends . There have been NO GIRLS AT ALL . She is all I think about as it is obvious . At the same time I'm disgusted at the fact that random ex bf's and social networking is more important than fixing the mistake she made . She's too stubborn to even realize she handled the situation wrong . She has said and is saying things that are lies and don't make sense . She says she loves me and all of this nonsense but than claims I have moved on ? When any normal person would have thrown the fuck you I'm never talking to you again , I sit here and cry and dream of being with her . She thinks I'm out doing shit or whatever , Well I'm not , nor will I ever , The only girl for me is her and if she can't accept that through her stubborn head than that is her loss . If she loves me and wants to be with me and have a family than she would fix her mistake or at least regret it because there is nothing I can possibly do in my power to fix things without getting arrested and locked up in jail . If there was something I could do to fix things without jeopardizing life behind bars and more fines than I would do it in a heartbeat . She doesn't understand that if she even loves me and ever wants this to work . The ball is in her court . She needs to do what she needs to do if she really feels the way she claims regardless of what people say or will think .  But at this point in time , I have no idea how she feels and it kills me every second of every day . I love her , and I always will . But I can't sit here and wish upon a star that will never exist . I have no power in how things go , she doesn't understand that either . She says things to the "peer community" so I guess people feel sympathetic ? I have no idea ? But things claiming I am with other girls etc . . I would NEVER and SHE FUCKING KNOWS THAT and that's what hurts the most . . . . She claims I have moved on and far beyond it and that she can't and yet she was the one that did everything to make this dream of mine impossible . How does that make any sense ? I haven't moved on . Nor will I ever . I'll be there with open arms any second of any day and she knows it . It's sad to see that she doesn't care to see that or that she doesn't want to accept the fact that even after everything she has done . I still want more than anything in the world what I always told her I wanted . Her love , Our love , a family together and a life full of happiness . I already let go what she did . Maybe she doesn't want to accept the fact that I didn't move on and that I would trade anything in the world to see her again and hold her . I'm beyond confused . . . Why would she do this to herself if she really feels the way she does ? She knows there is nothing in my power to do to fix anything . If I could I would . . But I can't and she knows it . And yet she is too damn stubborn ( if she really feels that way ) to do the right thing and make everything right . My head is going to explode